89. Prosecutors say that sniper suspect John Malvo's admissions to police that he killed at least two people last year contained bouts of laughter. To be fair, however, he was laughing while recounting the hilarious prat-fall laden death of local circus clown 'Bubs' Jellybean.
90. Saddam Hussein's family purportedly removed 1 billion dollars from an Iraqi bank last month. Apparently the billion was doled out in 100's, 50's, and ridiculously silly fantasy artwork.
91. Mega-chain Wal-Mart has stopped carrying men's magazines such as Maxim and FHM because of customer complaints about 'racy' content. So far, however, they have ignored my numerous complaints about their carrying certain other magazines' racing content.
92. An Israeli police officer was mistaken for a stripper yesterday by a rowdy bachelorette party. This case of mistaken identity should be nothing new to police, who routinely confuse a nutritious breakfast, lunch and dinner for 3 dozen donuts.
93. William Bennett, the conservative 'values' guru and admitted gambling addict, has said that he is swearing off gambling forever. Unfortuantely he has no plans to give up writing cloyingly patronizing books telling people how he thinks they should act.
94. 100 Jacksonville doctors have walked off the job today to protest the Florida legislature's refusal to cap jury awards for malpractice suits. Several hundred patients staged their own simultaneous impromptu protest, described as a 'negligent death-in.'
95. A stray cat in England last week was willed a large house and 100,000 pounds by an animal lover. In related news, I'm willing anyone inspired to imitate this act 100,000 poundings from my fist.
96. A terrorism report by the US State Department critisizes Canada for being too concerned about protecting the civil liberties of its citizens. In related news, how does somebody go about getting a Candian greencard, anyways?
97. And our final score from the Ozarks:
Tornados 40, Rednecks 0
98. The first Democratic debate kicked off last week in South Carolina. Analysts agree that there was no clear winner, except for my eyes, who thanked me profusely for not watching it.
99. New Hampshire's beloved landmark, The Old Man in the Mountain, collapsed last week, transforming a bunch of rocks that sort of looked like a face into a bunch of rocks that look exactly like Marlon Brando's ass.
100. Apple's new on-line music service sold over a million songs in its first week of operation, stunning industry analysts. Some critics say that the number is overinflated; to quote one, "The five-hundred thousand times Aaron Bleayart downloaded 'I Touch Myself' shouldn't count."
This concludes Aaron's 100-in-113 joke challenge.